On Thursday last week I was left feeling so very vulnerable. Now I’m not talking about the average feeling of vulnerability.
NO this was the kind of vulnerability that took me straight back to just before my teenage years. It’s the kinda vulnerability that makes you feel very shaken, nauseous and a total wreck! This is a feeling that I find so hard to describe and unless you too have ever felt this vulnerable, I’m not quite sure you’ll understand completely what I’m talking about.
So here’s what happened on Thursday morning just before lunchtime John’s dad just pitched up out of the blue. Okay so now you’re probably thinking okay that’s no biggie, isn’t that normal? Well it would be you see if certain cruel and harsh emails weren’t sent. Ones which have left me feeling viciously attacked and quite frankly hurt.
Anyhoo let’s not get to side tracked.
For some reason now that I can’t quite remember I was near our lounge window, when I spotted John’s dad across the road getting out of his car. And as soon as I saw him my stomach literally dropped, my body began to shake and I felt physically sick! It took ever ounce of strength I had not to collapse into withering mess on the floor.
Instead I managed to get a hold of John to tell him my fears had come true and his dad had actually just pitched up. As I have feared so many times before that they/he would.
John seemed fuming. He couldn’t believe that his dad had done this to me. John told me just to not answer the door.
Then it happened there was that dreaded knock at the door. *Yikes*.
I was left with no choice but to open the door. As someone had left the downstairs door open. So I quickly hung up from John and went to the door in a helpless daze.
The next thing I knew I was inviting him in…
Ummm wtf!!!!
It would have been rude not to right?
Before I knew it we were sat in the lounge and he was telling that he wants to sort things out. And that he’s not here to takes sides… Hmmm really? It was made pretty clear who’s side they were on judging by the emails.
Now don’t get me wrong I did feel sorry for him when he said, “he’d hate for the girls to grow up not knowing their grandparents”. This isn’t something I ever wanted for them or John to be put in this unfortunate circumstances! Yet here we are.
After John’s dad had said his piece he asked Holly if he could take her picture. Because mommy and daddy won’t send him any. I really can’t believe he had the audacity to sit there and make that remark to my two year old. If truth be told I was a little upset.
So I asked him when he planned on leaving and if he had wanted to see Ella? This was more so that I could try and find out when this awful awkwardness would be over. As I had gathered he did indeed want to wait and see Ella. *Aaack* so this awkward silence and uncomfortableness would continue late into the afternoon.
He even walked down to school with Holly and I. Ella seemed really happy to see her Grandpops though bless her.
On the walk home he continued to snap pictures of both girls this time.
At five to four when he finally decided to leave I was so relieved! It sounds nasty I know but after everything I can’t help but feel this way.
♡Live…Love…Laugh♡
